Is this still on? Check mic...1, 2, 3

Hi.

Yes it's me. No I am not a ghost. (*Thinks* "Man this feels so foreign to me now...")

I was just reading some of the c-box comments (which I have now locked), and the rumors are pretty hilarious I must say. I read one that the reason I was getting married or stopped blogging was because I was pregnant and that I was something else (which I prefer not to say because I want to keep things at a G rating or PG-13 at least LOL). But....um no.

Definitely NOT pregnant! But nice try.

I needed time away from this blogging world, and now attempting to come back to the blogging world makes me realize why I slowly disappeared in the first place- all the negativity. The snide comments, and fighting (readers with other readers). ANY blog, whether it be about cameras, makeup, celebrities, weddings- all have its share of negative Nancy's. And it's disheartening that you cannot spill out your innermost thoughts or opinions, without someone saying something so negative and demeaning rather than something more constructive, but "hey it's the online world Vanessa, what do you expect?". You are ABSOLUTELY right. Hence why I needed to step away longer than I had anticipated. I needed to clear my mind from any garbage. No matter what is said or done, there are people in life and in the online world that feel empowered by putting other people down, they misconstrue their rude comment as just having an opinion. And with all these young kids committing suicide because of bullying, it's really sad we hurt each other like that, and we allow ourselves to keep pushing and taking it too far. Because life is just too short for any type of pettiness. YOU ARE better than that. Just gotta ignore any bad apples, and even though it was sweet that people were coming to my defense, sometimes it just fuels the fire ya know? Sometimes the best thing is to not say anything at all.

I am actually thinking of creating another blog, and it WILL be private, and hey if some of the wonderful friends I have met on here find it, then great. But I WANT to blog about more than makeup, I WANT to blog about my wedding preparations sans baby, I WANT to say how I feel and not be judged, and just be MYSELF. Something I find that I can no longer be on here. Makeup is fun, but it's not something I prefer to be stressed about or argue about. I started this blog for it to be a useful reference. How it turned into World War II is beyond me. I am hesitant and don't want to divulge, any more of myself than I already have on here because I feel like it's not really welcomed by some and perhaps it's just causing more drama than there needs to be. It's becoming too much of a task, and there are people that expect so much when they give so little.

So I have to force myself to just keep everything strictly makeup related whenever I can post. Even posting makeup looks is something I am considering of not doing anymore, and just perhaps do product reviews and random swatches. I am basically going to TRY and start fresh.

But I will say for those who even care or wonder, that I DO appreciate the wonderful comments and prayers from my last post. Truly meant a lot to me. To have complete strangers include my family in their prayers filled me with overwhelming emotion. To give you a little update, grandma is doing remarkably well and is slowly getting back to her old weight and is becoming stronger and healthier. She is done with treatments and I am just so amazed by this woman's strength and will. And I hope that it just goes up and up from here.

I am happy with my life in this moment. So much has changed in the past year and a half, some both great and bad, but it has made us into stronger people. We are barely getting around to planning the wedding, as many things in my life (including this blog) have been pushed aside. I am happy that everything is slowly falling into place. I feel like I have matured both mentally and emotionally as well, my mindset is so completely different than it was compared to the time when I was blogging all the time. It's like I was always seeing things in a blurred vision, and now that I know what's priority and what is important- everything is so much clearer. You know what's worth fighting for, and what's not. You become grateful for what you have, and the people you have in your life that are there for you no matter what. And all the small things are just so trivial and unimportant. It's like those who never imagined themselves having children, and they do, and now they cannot imagine life without their kids. It's like that for me.

Even if I can't make a difference in someone's life, I hope that all of you will continue to make it a mission to be inspirational to someone and to just appreciate one another. We all have a place in this world, just a matter of finding where you fit.

So I leave you with this quote I found:

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
-Maya Angelou