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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Yes, still alive. Thankfully.


Yes. I am still alive...

I have reasons for my long absence. Some of which I feel should not be disclosed in detail here simply for the privacy for my family, but to sum it up; both my grandparents have been very ill. And no not a cold, or a flu, but rather life-threatening complications. I have been so busy physically taking care of both my grandparents, taking them to their endless doctor appointments, surgeries, and therapy; waiting 2 months anxiously to see if all the medications and therapy is working, as well as trying to plan a wedding (which is another reason as to why I haven't bought any makeup!), save up and look for a place, and all the while working a full-time job managing 8 people. You can imagine that the last thing on my mind is to get on a computer period; let alone take pictures, edit them and do reviews, as well as responding to countless emails and comments. This also explains my absence across the web, or my sporadic updates on Facebook. And yes, even though "it only takes a few minutes" to post something, I have been so exhausted and emotionally drained; and each day has become so robotic for me, that there are just some things that went on the back burner, and thus includes me even remotely being on a computer.

The feeling of watching someone close to you go into surgery, and not knowing whether they will come out ok, is scary and it's hard for me to even describe it without bursting into tears.

I apologize to all of my loyal readers who have followed me post after post, day after day, from one life experience to another. I am SO incredibly grateful to those of you for your undying support, who understand and need no further explanations from me. It saddens me however that there are some people who were angered by my lack of writing about something so petty and trivial such as makeup which pales in comparison to the chaotic and most trialing time my family as well as myself is enduring. To even going as far as attacking my sister, and some of my family members who did ME a service by offering to respond to some of you. I am sorry if any of you felt like I abandoned you, but understand I could not and would not abandon my grandparents, or any one in my family who needed me there. Everything happened so fast and all at once; hitting me like a ton of bricks. That up to now it's still hard for me to swallow and wrap my head around everything, and therefore I was unable to even keep anyone in the loop, including my friends in real life.

I am honestly not obligated to blog for anyone. PERIOD. Unless you are putting money in my pocket or a smile on my face, I owe you nothing, as I don't expect anything from any of you. I blogged to help people with swatches, new products, or the makeup-challenged, and now that I have to turn my back for a bit to help my grandparents, I feel like I am being shunned. I could have been dead for all you know, and yet it's rude that I haven't blogged?!! There are MILLIONS of other beauty blogs, and anyone is more than welcome to start their own to entertain themselves, but to seriously talk crap because one hasn't blogged, and not even knowing the rhyme or reason as to why they haven't blogged is just RIDICULOUS. IT'S MAKEUP PEOPLE!!!! When it comes to my family, they are first no matter what. I am not going to even THINK about tweeting or blogging, or updating my Facebook wall just to say "Taking my grandpa for his surgery to get the fluid out of his lungs". And if you still feel like I should have blogged about all this sooner, again the last thing on my mind. It's personal and irrelevant to this blog.

This sad situation has made me realize that life begins and essentially ends, whether we like it or not. We MUST enjoy every minute we have with those we love, because nothing in life is guaranteed. Everything is in God's hands and all I can do is pray to have one more day and one more minute with the people I love. And as I grow older, I realize that my parents, as well as my grandparents are too, getting older, and their health is deteriorating. It's now my turn to take care of the people that helped take care of me.I have chosen FOR NOW to spend my time enjoying the company of my grandparents and to make sure that they are comfortable. I hope and pray that they are still here to watch me get married, and here long enough to see their great-grandkids.

It's hard to see the two people who practically helped raise me be in so much pain and I sit here feeling helpless because I cannot take the pain away.

Being the oldest, and the only one that lives near my grandparents; I must be strong for not only them, but for myself. I have to be there in every way shape or form. I DO miss blogging, and talking to the friends I have made here since I started this, and I hope that soon or oneday in the near future, even as an escape to everything that has been going on; that I can blog again. Maybe not as frequently, but I do hope that even if I am unable to blog about makeup, that I can at least blog about other things that are important to me, or to even just get some things off my chest. I am trying to not think about the inevitable so much, and to just take things day by day...but it's hard to imagine my life without them.

Again, I want to thank you all who have stood by this blog, or even me for that matter, and for just being true friends through and through. Many of you longtime readers know that this is the first time I have gone so long without blogging, and I would never intentionally just 'stop' without an explanation. I apologize for letting 3 months go by in silence, but it's been the hardest 3 months of my life. I do hope that once I have some peace of mind that everything will be ok in terms of my family's health, that I can pick up where I left off and continue to give you all something to read. Thank you again, and I love you all.

- Vanessa

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